I’ve taken a long break from writing on JoA, but I’m back. I’ve had many things on my plate these last six months, a lot to think about.
However, I feel like things are settling down, and I’m becoming more grounded in who I am. Let me explain.
I’ve been stuck in a vicious cycle of self-doubt. I’ve been constantly jumping back and forth on all issues in my life, as if I can’t decide on anything. I simply didn’t know what to do with myself. It’s been a difficult period for me, because in the year or so before that I felt as if I could conquer the world, as if I had a clear and solid plan for what I wanted to do in life.
I’m sorry to say I fell into a quagmire of insecurity. I began doubting everything about myself and my life. My relationships suffered. My health suffered. My work and my passions suffered. Thankfully, I feel I can safely say that I’m finally stepping out of this swamp of confusion, and I’m ready to get back on board. The thing is, not much has really changed. I still have the same goals, the same principles, the same values, I simply lost sight of the path. I got caught up in thinking that I wasn’t good enough to get to where I wanted to go, that I wasn’t educated enough (we never are, right?), that I wasn’t healthy enough, that I wasn’t charismatic enough. That I needed to go get a formal education to verify that I did in fact have valuable things to say.
In the beginning of this year I signed up for studying engineering at my local university. Although I found the subject matter very interesting, and the idea of learning physics and mathematics, though daunting, was also riveting, I also felt that at this point in my life, there are other things I need to focus on. So I ended up dropping out. Then a few months later I was already planning how I was going to sign up for university again for next semester.
Let me say this: There is absolutely nothing wrong with educating yourself formally, especially when it comes to the hard sciences. It’s going to be very useful for sure. However, I was cursed/blessed with a very airy temperament as a young man. I felt it was more important to travel, introspect, and pursue meaning through art and experiences, rather than through the education system. Now, at thirty years old, I certainly have a lot of incredibly valuable life experiences, and I’m also a journeyman carpenter, but looking back I’m somewhat regretful that I didn’t pursue an education in the natural sciences. Obviously it’s not too late, and never will be, but I see now the value that such an education could have brought me.
This is a tricky subject, however, because I’m also certain that if I had gone into university during my twenties, I would have been resentful and unable to put my best foot forward, due to my mindset at the time. I probably would have chosen a subject that I didn’t connect with and I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself. So there’s really no room for regret in all of this.
I decided to write this short post to explain to you, dear readers, what’s been going on in my mind these last few months. I’ve come to realize now that in spite of my lack of a formal degree I do in fact have a lot of value to bring to the table, on my own terms. My work with Joy of Awareness, my writing and my videos, are proving to be immensely valuable to many people, and I’m so grateful to be in a position to help others overcome the pain and misery I myself battled for so long.
That’s why I’ve decided to get things rolling again. I want to get into the habit of writing again, of producing value. This is a battle of the mind, nothing else. My mind has been elsewhere, and perhaps that’s exactly what was needed for this, whatever this is, to evolve.
I’ve released a second book, Mind, Reclaimed, now available on Amazon, and I’m preparing to start writing the third title for what will become a trilogy. Something is materializing here, and I don’t know where it will lead me, but I have a feeling it will take me to a very good place, and that I’ll be able to bring a lot of people with me. This is what being a human being is about, I think. Creating as much value as we can, to inspire, improve, to allow ourselves and others to take another step on the stairway to the celestial realm.
So stay tuned my friends, we’ll see a few miracles yet.