I recently made a video on the topic of prayer. I spoke about how, when I went through my healing crisis and fasted many long fasts over the period of a single summer, prayer was an integral part of my success.
It’s no small feat to drink only water for ten days straight. The same can be said about simplifying your diet to such an extent as to eat only one or two different types of food at a single sitting. It takes a lot of willpower and discipline, and it also takes faith in the idea that what you’re doing will actually make your life better in some way. In essence this is the concept of sacrifice, i.e. we sacrifice comfort, pleasure, and fulfillment in the here and now in order to procure a better future.
I remember going into my first long (ten day) fast thinking “how on earth am I going to be able to stick to this?”. At the time I hadn’t even thought of praying at all, I’d tried it half-heartedly a couple of times in the past, but never in any meaningful way. Honestly I was hubristic and cocky. I couldn’t imagine how baring my soul to some imaginary figure in the sky could possibly be of any help in any real sense. Seriously, wasn’t it just wishful thinking to believe that help could come from outside, especially from a source that I had no way of knowing if it existed or not?
I’ve since changed my world-view quite drastically, and I can see the error of my ways. Aside from the arrogance and vanity of believing that I have any idea how the universe and consciousness functions, I can also see that, as rational as I believed myself to be, I was totally closed off to reassessing my paradigm through direct experience. The absolute cornerstone of scientific thought, empirical evidence, wasn’t good enough to me, as “scientifically minded” as I was. This, incidentally, is the trap of “following the SCIENCE”. This is the reason why society has been corrupted so thoroughly through being constantly pressured to “trust the experts” and “leave it to the scientists”. We have been conditioned to leave our brains at the door and to outsource our thinking to people in white lab-coats. And that, dear friends, is the antithesis of the philosophy of science.
To redirect ourselves to the topic at hand, I had up until this point been totally unable to see the folly of my thinking. It took a crisis of deep illness and trauma to give me the kick I needed to open my eyes to the lies I had been fed. When I was lying in my bed on the second or third day of my long fast, totally unsure of whether it would do me any good at all, very doubtful of whether I would have the self-discipline to see it through anyway, I realized that I needed some way to comfort myself. I needed to find the faith to pull me through.
That’s when I did the only thing I could think of: I asked for help. I don’t know whom I was asking. I didn’t think of proper form or etiquette. I simply started asking for help, right out into the ether. I lay there in bed, in absolute anguish over the pit of despair that was my life, and I focused on my pain and asked for the strength to carry me through to the other side. I repeated this process many, many times over the course of the next ten days. As my relationship with this entity I was communicating with became stronger, I, too, became stronger. I began to have hope for myself, and as I began to see my body start to heal as the fast was coming to its conclusion, I began to have hope for my future. It was faith, hope, and divine inspiration that got me through those troubled times.
Later, I began to really think about the meaning of what I’d been through, what I’d discovered here. Was I, in fact, speaking to a separate deity somewhere “out there”, who listened to my pleas and gave me some of its infinite strength to get me through my difficulties? Or was I merely speaking to my own subconscious, in a similar way to repeating affirmations, and the strength I felt was just some kind of self-deception?
That’s when I had my most profound spiritual epiphany to date: it didn’t really matter. I am GOD, thou art GOD, GOD is out there, and HE/SHE/IT is also within. My question of whether what I had experienced was from outside or within, whether it was “real” or not, was absolutely meaningless. Much of the suffering so many of us experience in today’s culture is due to an artificial ideological separation from the divinity within us, all of us. It hurts to deny our true nature. We are beings of light and virtue, yet we’re raised to believe we’re simply bags of flesh and bone out of which, as an excrescence, this fluke we call consciousness has accidentally appeared. We’re really no higher than animals, you see, and life means nothing and metaphysical proposition is meaningless, and we might as well just enjoy the artificial pleasures our technocratic overlords have graced us with and not think of our deepest purpose.
It’s time to reclaim our divine right. We have the power, the potential, to manifest our lives and surroundings in the image of heaven. In fact, we are infinitely powerful yet simultaneously we are enchained and held down by the illusions of this earthly plane. Fear is what must be overcome, and as we do so through prayer, meditation, and deep contemplation, we come into our own. This is a journey like no other, this quest for understanding what we are, where we come from, and what doors are truly open to us.
We need to learn to release the negativity that holds us down. Certainly there are bad actors out there who, consciously or not, through their words and actions hold others down and make their lives more difficult than they need to be, but we need to shift our focus from blaming others and realize that within US is the biggest block to our spiritual upheaval. WE think the thoughts and continue the patterns that keep us where we are: stuck, poor, ill, and stupid. It’s time to take full responsibility for ourselves and take the necessary steps towards heaven within.