Welcome to the Joy of Awareness, a site I hope will grow and mature into a magnificent work of art. I‘m excited and at the same time I‘m a little bit doubtful. Am I really honest enough, actualized enough to be able to guide and help another person in any way?
Yesterday I was talking with my best friend, whom I seldom meet, about our future, girlfriends, and aspirations.
I told him about a particularly sweet vision of mine, where I would be traveling the world, working on a website based around self-development, spirituality, sexuality, and anything and everything else I‘ve been interested in and studied throughout my life. I had this plan, to find a job this summer, then start university, and then, at some point, in a few years, I would be experienced enough, smart enough to be able to channel my own insights to other lost souls. And I would make money from it!
My friend is a sharp guy. He says it like it is. He said „So why don‘t you just start already? What‘s stopping you from writing the first post tomorrow?“.
At first I kind of brushed it off, like „Pffft, tomorrow? I can‘t start tomorrow, first I need to do this and accomplish that..“ and so on.
But then, we took a nice big dose of psilocybin mushrooms and everything clicked. I will never be good enough, in my own mind, to be able to deserve what I desperately want.
I felt self-confidence like I‘ve never felt before. And I‘ve really worked on my confidence through the years. I‘ve also taken psychedelic mushrooms before, but this trip really took the cake. I feel like I broke through a massive brick wall that‘s been blocking my way to self-actualization.
The weirdest yet most important part of this epiphany was the inherent paradox. I will never be good enough, therefore I am good enough. Right now!
I am good enough to do whatever the hell I want to do. I don‘t need to conform to who I think I am, or who others think I am. I have a vision and I won‘t stop until it‘s realized.
I finally understand. I may not be anywhere near enlightenment, self-actualization or perfection. But when I think of how lost I’ve been in my life, ten years ago, five years or even one year ago, and what I‘ve learned since then, I can see the terrific value of my insights.
I would have done things a lot differently if I had known then what I know now. I want to keep learning from others that are more advanced than I am, and I want to impart my own knowledge to others who have yet to learn what I know now.
This site will be a place of development of mind and spirit. I will explore everything and anything I‘m interested in, and I know that in the end I will reach kindred spirits. My intention is to develop myself, my writing, my honesty and integrity, as much for my own benefit as for yours, dear reader.
May this be a wonderful undertaking.